For as long as I can remember, I have bitten my nails.
I believe at least some portion of the habit is anxiety. When I'm stressed, frazzled, or nervous, my hands slide up to my lips and I start chewing. It's a coping mechanism; a way to physically interpret the psychological trauma. That said, at this point, its primarily a subconscious compulsion. I do it without thinking. I can be out for a walk, or sitting at my computer - heck, I can even be in the midst of eating a meal - and on nothing more than pure primal instinct my hands find their way up to my mouth where I viciously gnaw at my nails until they're...well, have a look.
It's awful. I fumble awkwardly when trying to pick up a coin off of the street; I can't remember the last time I really successfully pinched someone. Right now it hurts to type because I've bitten too deep into my left index finger and tore up the sensitive skin underneath.
It's a nasty, disgusting, painful and (worst of all) unattractive habit. So I'm devoting Week 1 of 52 to Do to the effort of breaking my addiction.
I suppose this is a good of time as any to explain the concept behind 52 to Do, though it seems to me rather self-evident. 52 to Do started as a New Years Resolution in which I vowed to set and achieve a new goal every week for an entire year. I originally began this process in January (and even managed to achieve my Week 2 goal, which I will explain later - and by that, I do mean next week) but found myself too busy to continue once I had returned to school. It also did not help that my previous attempt at breaking this addiction (which had been my Week 1 goal then as well, and was largely successful) was ruined by exposure to the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center, where I have spent the last several months devoting my Wednesdays to theatre workshops for my Major's Senior Seminar. Mix the razor-wire surrounding the entire structure and the bolted doors keeping us within, and I ground my nails down to nubs in no time.
During this prior attempt, I managed to go a little less than a month without biting. The ultimate goal is, of course, to stop biting altogether; for the sake of this blog, the primary target is to last the week - everything else is simply a "bonus".
To begin the recovery process, I found that the use of Band-Aids - one for every finger, as wasteful as that may be - was an essential tool in barring me from the everyday compulsions. I have, in the past, tried everything from pepper to ceramic-based paints as means of deterrence from biting my nails, none of which have been particularly successful. The Band-Aids are somewhat inconvenient, as they numb the tips of my fingers and detract from fine motor functions (and completely eliminate any of my meager potential to pinch) but they do their job well.
So Day 1, Week 1. Nails Bandaged. Expect an update in a couple days.
